Simon Wood

Posts Tagged: hump day

maxresdefaultI’ve been in the US eighteen years and I haven’t been back to the UK in over nine, so it’s not surprising things have changed in that time, so here’s a few things that made me a tourist in my own country.

  • Sidewalks aren’t for walking on…they’re for parking.
  • English accents really stick out.  It’s really weird on my ear now.
  • I am no longer a bilingual driver.  I have to think about driving on the left.
  • I look the wrong way when I cross the road.  It took me a decade to look the right when I crossed the road in America but now I am at a loss in the UK.
  • Somehow all the roads have shrunk and I can’t believe the speeds I use to drive on them.
  • I forgot how heavy pounds coins are.  Most British men sound like gunslingers when they walk and they all walk with a limp trying to lug a leg with a pocket full of shrapnel…
  • Straws go in children’s drinks, not adults.
  • A 3-pin plug scarily too big for its purpose.
  • I forgot how cold it is in April.
  • Pedestrians don’t have the right of way.  You will be run down!
  • Weather changes and often.  Only British people need both sunglasses and an umbrella on the same day.
  • I didn’t realize how high toilets are compared to the US.  I need a footstool.
  • Power outlets have switches. I kept plugging things in and forgetting to flip the switch.  And a 3-pin plug seems scarily large.
  • My God, Britain is crowded.  America seems deserted in comparison.
  • Drinks don’t come with straws.  As one friend said, “I feel like a seven year old when I have a straw in my drink.”
  • I forgot there are no free drink refills.

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