Simon Wood


Batman has robin. George has Lenny. Laurel has Hardy. Arm has Hammer. And I have Julie. Julie is my sidekick. Like Snoop Dogg says, “Everyone needs a sidekick.” Thanks for the wisdom, Snoop.

When I say sidekick, it may sound like I’m belittling the importance of this role. A sidekick’s relationship with their mainkick (That’s a new word. I invented it. Hands off, buddy) is a necessary one. A mainkick needs their sidekick to function. I need my sidekick. I need my Julie. I couldn’t function without her.

As I’ve mentioned before, on account of my dyslexia, Julie is a vital part of my writing process. She’s my eyes. She reads all my manuscripts to check for my mistakes and reads them all aloud so I can edit. This is just one of her roles. She’s my sounding board for ideas. I look to her for opinions on whether I should appear at this store or attend that convention. I don’t sign any contract without her reading it over. She’s my cheerleader when something good happens and my shrink when I’m low. There are many times when she’s talked me out of giving up writing (I think she’s holding out for the movie deal if one should happen).

All of this is great for me. I’m glad and feel really lucky that Julie has the right temperament to help me with all these issues. It might sound like I’m dependent on her or unsure of myself. In some ways that’s true, but my background is in engineering. No engineer lets his work go without a checker and an approver first looking over it. That instinct is engrained into me. It would be foolhardy of me to think I’m always right and incapable of making a mistake. I need someone like Julie on my team to ensure I turn out the best work I can. Working alone, it’s easy to get complacent or miss something.

Julie needs to have the spotlight shined on her.

This might sound like some sappy love note, but it’s not. I have a Julie and so can you. After January 1, you can have a Julie—the writer’s sidekick—for the low-low rental price of $99.99 per week + shipping and handling. This price does not include the cost of food. Apply now to avoid disappointment. Operators are standing by.

5 Responses to “SHELF LIFE: Julie”

  1. F.T. Bradley

    Ah, but I see you’re advertising A Julie, not THE Julie. And we all know that any old Julie won’t do.

    Well played, Simon. Now I see where you make your fortune.

  2. Simon Wood

    I can’t ensure you’ll get the original Julie, but I can promise you’ll a Julie approved Julie.

    I should say that Julie is a genetic scientist…

  3. Georgette Spelvin

    Simon, you are totally cracking me up. Love the new word “mainkick.” I can just imagine Julie busily working in the basement lab. Did she read over this blog post before you published it?

  4. Simon Wood

    Georgette: She reads everything before it goes live…usually with a sigh.

    Kathy: Julie disagrees about this being a love note.


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