Simon Wood

Author Confessional

My writing life is very much like a duck on a pond.  It looks as if all is smooth and calm as the duck guides along the water.  However, what the observer can’t see is all the thrashing going on below the surface.  That’s how I approach my career as a writer. To my audience, everything is calm and collected because I work hard to keep control of all the chaos that goes on behind the scenes.  Today, I’m going to clue you in on some of weirdness that I’ve hidden from you all.

Recently, I was asked about odd incidents that have occurred during my writing career. Let me say there’ve been a lot. Over the last couple of months, I’ve been recounting some of my weirder experiences on social media for discussion and I thought I would share some with you.

  • Said to me at a book signing: “You have amazing skin for your age. How old are you again?”
  • I was held at knife point by an attendee at a private book signing.
  • A reader gave me cheese-flavored cat food as a gift at a book signing.
  • Said to me by an attendee just before I was going to make a speech: “My son wrote very well in high school and he would have been on the New York Times bestsellers list if he pursued it so I just want to let you know you’re nothing special.”
  • I have made several interviewers cry during an interview.
  • I was put on a bookstore blacklist.
  • The most commonly asked question at my book signings: “Where are the restrooms?”
  • A translator threatened to rewrite the book’s ending if I didn’t because they found it offensive. I didn’t.
  • Once, event security blocked me from entering my own event not believing I could be an author.
  • Said to me at a book signing: “I’m going to return it after I’ve read it. I haven’t paid for a book in years.”
  • Early on in my career, I had a stalker. It went on for about a year.
  • The first time I saw my book in a store, I stalked the person who picked up a copy to see if they bought it.
  • My nonfiction has been plagiarized…a lot!
  • I was booked to speak to a large group of writers when I got there, it was three writers in a storage room.

I hope you’ve liked these glimpses into my crazy writing world.  If you’d like to hear more, let me know.

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