Simon Wood

HUMP DAY: Fun Facts

I’m feeling frivolous. I hope frivolous doesn’t mind. Anyhoo, very few of you have met me, so you haven’t gotten to see or know me in all my splendor. To remedy this, I thought I’d share a few facts about me.

1. I wear mismatched socks. I don’t “bunny ear” the pairs together (who’s got time for that). Instead, I tug the first two socks I grab. My socks are usually of the cartoon variety, so I get away with the mismatch. I like to think of my socks as entertainment for my ankles.

2. I like being short and wish I was shorter. I’ve always been small. I’m used to being small. Small looks good on me. But at 5’-4”, I think I’m a tad too tall. It puts me in that tall-short category which is no place to be.

3. I find toilet humor damn funny. A good poo-poo joke will have me laughing like a drain.

4. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss racing cars. I raced single-seaters from ’90-’93. It remains the best and worst thing I ever did. The highs can never be matched, neither can the lows. It made me a tougher, stronger person.

5. If I could be any fictional hero, I would be Dr. Who. I’m a lifelong Dr. Who fan. I think he’s the greatest superhero ever created. I still hope that one day my parents will tell me I’m adopted and I’m really a Timelord. It could happen.

6. Most things scare me from heights to buying coffee in Starbucks. I see the worst in everything. If it’s going to go wrong, it’s going to wrong around me. I have a talent for disaster, so everything worries me a little. Add to that a wild imagination, and within a handful of seconds, I’ve foresee a dozen outcomes.

7. I’m short-tempered–it’s a height related thing. I have a short fuse. I like to laugh and joke and not take the world too seriously. If you ruin that for me, you’re going to hear about it.

8. I’m a bleeder, not a fighter. Pari has her brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. My fighting technique extends as far as the windmill.

9. Julie has longer legs than me. We’re about the same height, but if I have to get in a car after her, I have to scoot the seat forward. This amuses her.

10. I’m dyslexic and it took me 5 goes at spelling the word correctly. My reading age is grade 5 or 6, I think. Someone can read a book out loud faster than I can read a book with my eyes. This is a reason I listen to a lot of audio books.

11. I believe dessert isn’t food, but a way of life. Let them eat cake, that’s what I say.

12. I come from a massive family. Just going back two generations, my family is into triple-digits. We could have our own phone book. This contrasts heavily with Julie who only has one uncle and one cousin.

13. I am not the voice of the Geico gecko, although we are of similar height.

14. My favorite cereal is Special K. I know it’s a “lady’s” cereal, but I think it tastes good. When I was little I used to steal my cousin’s Special K before she got up in the mornings and hide it under a layer of cornflakes so she wouldn’t know. Sorry Hazel. On the plus side, I always fit into my jeans.

15. Despite being allergic to cats and dogs, I adopt defective animals from the pound. I have a longhaired dachshund that is allergic to people and about a dozen other things. I have one cat that can’t metabolize cat food, so I have to make my own. I have one cat with extremely long fingers and I do mean fingers. One cat insists on coming on walks with my dog. One cat is a dwarf because it was very sick during its developmental stage.

So there you haven’t it. I make as much sense as a VCR instruction manual. But these are the things that make me who I am and are the things have a tendency of working their way into my stories.

Now you know a little bit about me, let’s hear a bit about you. Give me a fun fact or two.

4 Responses to “HUMP DAY: Fun Facts”

  1. Krausely

    Okay, reciprocal fun facts:
    1. In addition to mysteries, I also write for Lonely Planet, and this is the first time in six years that I haven’t been traveling for them on or around this date.
    2. Despite having never seen one, I still kind of believe in ghosts.
    3. I have a polydactyl cat who could be descended from Hemingway’s. He sometimes bites my nose while I sleep.
    4. I find it hard to pronounce the word “abominable.” I really have to concentrate to pull it off.
    … oops, you said “a fun fact or two.” That was four. I clearly enjoyed this topic!


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