We can all pretend that we are all well adjusted and temperate people, but we all have our irrationalities. Things that send us from zero to crazy in a split second. Well, here are a few things that sent me off.
Not Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. Just Paul Simon. I like his duo work. I hear I Am a Rock, The Sound of Silence, The Boxer or A Hazy Shade of Winter and I’m fine, but I hear his solo work and a bout of Tourettes consumes me. When he sings about going to Graceland, my response is “Yeah, go there and eat a bullet, you f**k!” Julie now knows the second his music comes on the radio and I’m in the room, she turns the radio off. People always rip on Art Garfunkel for being the weak link in the relationship, but not for me. The second Paul Simon went solo, his music lost me all palatability.Baby’s Crying
One of the many reasons I don’t have kids is I can’t stand the sound of babies and kids crying. I know it’s supposed to annoy us. It’s nature way of forcing us to attend to a vulnerable person’s needs, but it’s fingers down a chalkboard. It puts me in a red zone in seconds. I have either two kneejerk responses—either leave the room and yell at the child to shut the hell up. To me, hell to is a day trapped in a daycare center. And don’t just me too harshly.
I hate flip-flops. I was reminded me of this all over again the other night when I slipped Julie’s on the other night to grab something from the garden. Within three seconds they’ve flown off my feet into the darkness. Son of a bitch! Who the hell designed these things? Someone explain how a foot-shaped length piece of foam or plastic with two strap things constitutes footwear. I mean. Come on. Seriously.
Big Bird
As I’ve mentioned I don’t like Big Bid. I don’t know where this hatred came from but it’s always been there. Yes, Big Bird has plenty of personality but it’s bad personality. He’s got no social skills. He barges into conversations about the letter C or the number 7 like he’s an authority on the matter and takes over. It doesn’t take a genius to know he doesn’t know anything about the subject. And no one ever slaps down the overgrown canary–and yes, it is a canary. Someone should be honest with Big Bird and say, “B-Bird, you’re an annoying moron. Get lost.” If no one wants to volunteer, I’ll do it.
Bad Driving
It seems that most people think of their car as an armchair on wheels and forget they are piloting a couple of tons of metal at speed. This casual association people have with their vehicle means their driving vigilance isn’t on point. Things that bug me range from tailgaters to people who struggle with the concept of a four-way stop. The big offender for me is people who don’t use turn signals because it’s simple courtesy. I mean is it that hard to flick on the indicator. It only takes a finger. Well, for people don’t, I have a finger right here for you. Grr…
