Simon Wood

Hump Day: Magic Coat

Joseph had his Technicolor Dream Coat and I have Simon’s Coat of many Pockets. I’m busting it out for my flight I have at the weekend so I don’t have to pay baggage fees. I feel for the airlines that are struggling, but they aren’t winning my friendship with all the additional charges that keep being tacked on by the second. I’m especially annoyed by the fees for baggage and the fact that carry-on luggage (like a camel) must be small enough to pass through the eye of needle. Well, I’ve found a loophole in the baggage system. Baggage has weight limits. Your coat doesn’t. So I have constructed the world’s first suitcase coat. Essentially, this is a one big coat that I’m stitching a series of pockets into. I’ve got a laptop pocket, toiletries pocket, pockets with built in hangers for clothes, a documents pocket, a refrigerated pocket for snacks (as you don’t get meals on planes now) and two pockets for underwear–one for clean and the other for dirty–I’m not one for cross-contamination. On the upside, I no longer need luggage. On the downside, my coat weighs sixty pounds.

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