Simon Wood

Hump Day: Trawlers

I hate trawlers. Now I’m not talking about the chaps who float around on the sea in boats putting fish on my table. No, I’m talking about the dimwits who gum up parking lots looking for a place to park. Trawlers have this need to park as close as possible to the store they intend on entering, and they create havoc in the parking lot. Trawlers fall into distinctive sub groups:

You have the Day Trawler. These people are quite content to sink their line for the day. They will block a lane and hope that someone walking by is the owner of one of the vehicles around them. Time is not an important consideration. They are quite happy to wait as long as it takes until someone comes out to open up a spot for them, regardless of the procession of vehicles now stacked up behind them.

Then there is the Stalker Trawler.This species selects its prey (usually me) then creeps along behind so that when I reach my car, they can have my parking spot. It’s very disconcerting to have a car shadowing you in your blind spot. These trawlers don’t even ask if you’re leaving. They just loom up behind you, passive-aggressively urging to get out so that they can get in. These trawlers are easily dealt with though. I now walk down the line of vehicles one row over from mine. The Stalker Trawler trails behind me, eagerly waiting for me to pick out my car, then has to suffer the trauma of seeing me slip between the cars to another row leaving them to have to find a new victim to stalk.

Finally, there’s the Circuit Trawler. They are the total opposite from the Day Trawler. They are content to drive around and around the parking lot at slow-slow speeds looking for a parking stall. The confusing thing is that they have range issues. Circuit Trawlers will drive by empty stalls and keep circling because the available stalls aren’t close enough. The other week, I pulled into mall parking lot. It was busy, forcing to me to park a hundred yards from the entrance. The Day Trawler behind me continued to circle and circle while I walked all the way back to the mall and entered.

This last point highlights the futility of trawling. Sure, I’d love if a parking stall would open up in front of me every time I went anywhere. I would also love it if Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie would carry me everywhere in a chair, but I’m not going to expect it. I guess trawlers think they’re special–and they are. It’s just that they are special needs.

2 Responses to “Hump Day: Trawlers”

  1. morganalyx

    I actually know of one other species of trawler. When I worked at Disney World, people would drive up to the employee entrance, wait for someone to leave work & offer to drive said employee to their parking spot, thereby getting first dibs on the vacant space.

    They all annoy me no end, though I have to admit to being a trawler at various times in my life. I’m more the circuit trawler, but I generally will only do one pass around (maybe two, depending on how packed the parking lot is), & then decide to take the far away empty spot & hoof it to my destination.

  2. Kathy Delaney

    And this is precisely why I never go to the mall! I hate the lack of parking and the pressure put on one by the trawler who wants my space!


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