Simon Wood


Having grown up on comic books and comic book inspired TV shows, I’ve always hankered after being a superhero doing superhero stuff and being revered for it. I always fancied being something along the lines of Si-Man, a crime fighter who takes down the colorful characters of organized crime with the power of biting sarcasm. It’s worth a shot.

But lately, I’ve changed my mind. With rising medical insurance costs, poorly performing retirement funds and a crappy economy, I’m not so sure about the whole superhero gig.  The reason why–money!

They say crime doesn’t pay, but neither does being a superhero. How much money did Batman ever make from keeping the streets safe in Gotham? Nothing, as far as I know. No wonder Commissioner Gordon loved him. He made the Commish’s budget look good. Crime went down and it didn’t cost the city a penny. Not only did Batman not get paid for his efforts, he actually had to underwrite his activities. It was lucky he had the Wayne billions to fall back on. I can’t see Bruce Wayne getting too far with submitting his expense forms to the city if he was Bruce Wayne of Bruce Wayne Plumbing, Inc.

But not everyone is as financially lucky as Batman. Look at Superman and Spiderman. They both needed day jobs to make ends meet. Clark Kent was a reporter and Peter Parker was a photographer. I’m pretty sure that Bruce Banner lost his temper to become the Incredible Hulk when he wasn’t getting a paycheck. This probably is why very few lawyers became superheroes. There’s a limit to the pro bono work they’re willing to do.

So while it would be pretty neat to be a superhero, I’m gonna have to turn the job down. I’ve had enough of working two jobs. It’s nice to get an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. That’s never more applicable then when applied to the superhero career structure.

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